Let there be Harf!
snowgod (Phil Ackley)
At any given time, there will be, at most, a single player with the title of Harfmeister. The title of Harfmeister cannot be transferred or awarded except as described in the rules. If, at any time, no one has the title of Harfmeister, or the player with the title is On Ice, the title is given (or transferred) to the Speaker.
The Harfmeister may designate a proposal currently under voting consideration as Harfy. This action fails if there are already three proposals designated Harfy or if the proposal specified is attributed to the Harfmeister. A proposal designated Harfy remains so designated as long as it is under voting consideration; it ceases to be designated Harfy as soon as it ceases to be under voting consideration.
If a Harfy proposal passes, its author gains 5 points (a score change based on proposal content) and the title of Harfmeister passes from the current Harfmeister to the author of the Harfy proposal. If two or more Harfy proposals are accepted simultaneously, the title of Harfmeister shall go to the author of the highest numbered one.
The Harfmeister should also be on the lookout for particularly harfy courses of action, things which might later be considered for a Silver Moon, or at least are worth a good laugh at the time. The Harfmeister has the privilege of designating a player other than emself to be "Funky and Stylish".
At most one player is "Funky and Stylish" at any one time; a designation of a player as "Funky and Stylish" removes the designation of "Funky and Stylish" from any other player possessing it. When a player is designated "Funky and Stylish", they gain 5 points. Only one player may be designated "Funky and Stylish" per calendar week.
This privilege of the Harfmeister should be used regularly, when it is justified. Failure to do so on a regular basis, without justification, may lead to accusations that the Harfmeister is hogging the harf, as described below.
The Harfmeister may use his or her discretion in determining what is to be considered Harfy for the purposes of this rule, but it is considered bad form to designate a proposal as Harfy that is not really Harfy, and other players are permitted to sneer.
If any voting player feels the Harfmeister is hogging the Harf [that is, sitting on the title of Harfmeister with no intent to designate any proposals as Harfy], they may start an Inquisition. An Inquisition is a Hearing. It is also Strange. The player who started the Inquisition is the Hearing Harfer and is called the Supreme Inquisitor while it is in session. The valid responses to an Inquisition are 'No! He's going to share the Harf!', or 'Yes! He is Hogging the Harf!' If the verdict is the latter, the Harfmeister is guilty of hogging the Harf and must immediately go to his or her home if he or she may legally do so. The person who called for the Inquisition then becomes the Harfmeister.
Guy Fawkes (Robert Shimmin)
A horrible epidemic is sweeping across Acka!
This epidemic is named "snowgod's Disease." Its sufferers are highly prone to send private messages to the public forum, particularly if those private messages are to one's co-conspirators in a scam, coup attempt, or other loophole surfing activity. To preserve the public health of Acka, some action must be taken!
Whenever a player believes another player is infected with snowgod's Disease, he may call a Public Health Emergency by posting in a public message that he is doing so, and naming which player he believes is infected. A Public Health Emergency is a type of Hearing. The player who made the call is the Hearing Harfer and is called the Undergraduate Med Student while it is in session. The valid responses are, "Yes, why just yesterday e posted a letter to eir aunt!" and, "No, e, uh, meant to do that." If the verdict is "Yes, why just yesterday e posted a letter to eir aunt!" the named player is determined to be infected with snowgod's Disease until the end of the calendar month, and the player who called the Hearing, known for this purpose as the Medical Examiner, shall within the next seven days, publically post what treatment he feels the infected player should be subjected to. This "prescription" is not a legally binding document. No player may have a Public Health Emergency called against him more than one per calendar month, as this would be just plain too silly.
Committee for the Protection, Preservation, and Integrity of the Arts
Malenkai (Randy Hall)
If a player feels another player has created a lame, inane, or otherwise useless Trinket of negligible artistic merit within the past 3 days, they may make public complaint to that effect by naming the offending player and offensive Trinket (or Trinkets), provided no such complaint has been previously lodged naming the allegedly offensive Trinket(s).
A Hearing is then called on the matter of whether the allegedly offensive Trinket(s) are in fact lame, inane, or otherwise useless or of negligible artistic merit. The player who made the complaint is the Hearing Harfer and is called the Comfortable Chair while it is in session. This committee is called the Committee for the Protection, Preservation, and Integrity of the Arts (CPPIA).
The valid responses in a CPPIA Hearing are: "this the most inane thing since the 'whatever it is we're auctioning today'", and "this is the hottest thing since the 'Hubert Feathers'". [Voters should consider the artistic merit and usefulness of the Trinket when making their responses.]
If the verdict is the latter ('hottest') decision, the player who originally made the complaint shall post a limerick praising/ admiring the vindicated Trinket(s) (within 3 days of the decision), forfeit the Standard Harfer Fee for some sorely needed art appreciation classes, and be immediately transported to the Museum for an education.
If the verdict is the former ('inane') decision, the player who created the Trinkets forfeits the Standard Harfer Fee for the cost of new murals to decorate the walls of the Gaol (which they should describe), and, if the total value of the Trinkets in question is the Standard Harfer Fee or less, the Trinket(s), if they still exist, are forgeries.
Sanctity of Harf
Robert Sevin (Mitchell Harding)
No player may have the character string (delimited by the quotation marks) "harf", nor any variation wherein the only difference is capitalization, contained within their Ackanomic name.
Robert Sevin (Mitchell Harding)
Any Newbie may publicly complain when they lose any points or currency. When they exercise this option, the penalty will immediately be counteracted. In order for this complaint to have the effects described in this rule, it must express the sentiment "I didn't understand the rules! You keep changing the rules! You never told me about that rule!". It need not (and in fact is encouraged not to) use those exact phrases, but it must adequately express those sentiments.
If the penalty involved a loss of points, the penalized player's score (after having the penalty revoked) will be raised to the first prime number higher than their current score. If the penalty involved a loss of currency, the player with the most currency (in case of a tie, the player with the most currency whose Ackanomic name occurs first alphabetically) must give the new player currency, the amount of which must be positive and non-zero. The player cannot be selected to give themselves currency. In this case, whichever player (other than the penalized player) with the most vowels in their name will give the penalized player a positive non-zero amount of currency.
This public complaining may only be exercised 3 times by any player. If a player manages to legitimately exercise this ability 3 times within a 48 hour period, they will be dubbed a Crazy Scotsman. If the player manages to legitimately exercise this ability 3 times within a 24 hour period, they will instead by dubbed a Crazy French-Scotsman.
Attila the Pun (Micah Smulker)
At any time, one number and only one number is known as the Happy Number. The Happy Number is at all times an integer between -60 and the Magic Number.
If any time it is publically knowable that a player has a score exactly equal to the Happy Number, that player may point this fact out by publically stating: "Happy! Happy! Happy!". E then gains a probabilistic Boon of the Ancients and the Happy Number becomes a random integer between -60 and the Magic Number.
The number equal to (The Magic Number)-(The Happy Number) is known as the Sad Number. If any player has a score equal to the Sad Number, other players are encouraged to give that player gifts, to console em.
If at any time the Happy Number is greater than the Magic Number, the Happy Number becomes 42.
Harf the Mail!
Attila the Pun (Micah Smukler)
The President will keep the List-of-Harf. At any time within the first week of a President's term, all players, excluding the President, may send a private message to the President with two things: the name of a player, who is neither emself nor the President, called their target, and a word with at least 7 letters, called the target word. No player may send more than one such message to any President during a single term of office of that President. This target and associated target word will be recorded under that player's entry in a new List-of-Harf by the President.
After having sent their entry to the President, if a player sees a message from their target that contains the associated target word and was posted more than one week after the most recent assumption of office by the President, then they can send a public message claiming this to be the case. They must state the message's title and when that message was posted, and say "The Harf is back and I want a winter cap."
The President must then check that the player's claim is correct. There are 3 possible replies. If the claim is true and that target word was listed only once in the List-of-Harf, the President must say "Indeed the Harf is back, here is your cap!" If it is true but the target word appears on the List-of-Harf more than once, e must say: "It was Blue, take a straw hat!" If it is false, e must reply: "Orange devil, wear sandals!"
In all cases, the player's entry is then removed from the current List-of-Harf. If the President replied "Indeed the Harf is back, here is your cap!" then that player will gain one-tenth of the points (rounded down) of their target's score, when that target said the claimed target word.
Just before the President's term of office ends, the current List-of-Harf is destroyed.
If a player becomes Active while a player is President but it is illegal to submit an entry to the List-of-Harf, that player has 3 days from the time at which e becomes active to submit such an entry. No such player may make a claim as above unless the message on which e makes the claim was posted after this three-day period has expired.
Reincarnating Into The Third Cat
Calvin N Hobbes (Thierry Joffrain)
When a player starts playing for the first time, they are said to have never been reincarnated. For every two chronologically consecutive proposals made by certain player which have a difference of more than 200 in their number, then that player is said to have reincarnated once.
The active player with the greatest difference in the number of two of their chronologically consecutive proposals is said the be the Passive Contemplator. The active player who has been reincarnated the most times is said to be the Third Cat.
Rainy Day Women #12 & #35
Mr. Tambourine Man (Tom Walmsley)
A player shall become Stoned if e states publicly, "Man, I'm stoned." Other rules may define other ways in which players become Stoned.
While a player is Stoned, all public messages posted by them, except posts made as a Duty of an Office, must contain at least one line, sentence, paragraph or phrase of 7 words or more, cited as described in Rule 210 [Literature] that fulfils one or more of the following three conditions:
a) It contains one or more instances of some form of the word "stone."
b) It is from a work whose title contains one or more instances of some form of the word "stone."
c) The artist cited is the Rolling Stones.
If a player, while Stoned, posts a message which fails to fulfil these conditions, any other player may call a Stoning on em. A Stoning is a Hearing. It is also an Extremely Silly Matter. The valid responses to a Stoning are "No, I live in a glass house. Plus I'm not without sin." and "Hey man, look at all the pretty colors!!".
If the verdict is "No, I live in a glass house. Plus I'm not without sin." the player upon whom the Stoning was called is no longer Stoned. In this case, the player who called the Stoning must publically post an apology of at least 15 lines to the player against whom the Stoning was called, and thereafter becomes Square.
If the verdict is "Hey man, look at all the pretty colors!!" the player on whom the Stoning was called becomes Martyred. A new I Got Stoned For Your Sins And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt is created in eir possession, and e must, within 3 days, post to a public forum a rhyming poem of at least 20 lines in which e describes eir Stoning.
A Stoned player is also encouraged, but not required, to misspell words, slur eir speech, publicly request food (which should be referred to as "munchies"), and digress onto many irrelevant tangents dealing with inconsequential trivialities [e.g. "Do you realize that this post -- THIS POST -- consists of BILLIONS and BILLIONS of electrons?!??!! Hey, neat, I sound like Carl Sagan. Except he's dead..." etc.] in all public postings.
A Stoned player shall no longer be Stoned if any one of the following three conditions becomes true:
d) Exactly one Acka week has passed since e first became Stoned.
e) E publicly posts a message in which four consecutive paragraphs, of two or more sentences each, begin respectively with the words 'Everybody', 'Must', 'Get', and 'Stoned', exclusive of all quotation marks.
f) E frinks Goldenseal, should such a beverage exist.
Other rules may define other ways in which players may cease being Stoned.
The Evil Overlords of Ackanomic (retired)
Vulcan once ruled Ackanomic.
Those players who were members of Vulcan on August 28, 1997 [/dev/joe, Malenkai, ThinMan, and Vynd] are Evil Overlords of Ackanomic (retired). No other players and no non-players are Evil Overlords of Ackanomic (retired).
Gold Pocketwatches are unnamed, non-tradable, non-mimsy entities. As the name suggests, they are ornate, pocket-sized timepieces made of pure gold. Despite utilizing analog mechanical displays, Gold Pocketwatches are, in fact, miniature atomic clocks, and they would be exceedingly valuable if they were actually tradable. Gold Pocketwatches may only be created, destroyed, or transferred as specified by this rule. Gold Pocketwatches have no attributes, powers, or effects other than those described by this rule.
Vulcan may disband itself as an organizational action, but will not be disbanded if it has zero (or fewer) members. If ever none of the Evil Overlords of Ackanomic (retired) is a member of Vulcan, then any of the Evil Overlords of Ackanomic (retired) may join Vulcan as a public action with no Vulcan approval required; this right may not be restricted in any way. If Vulcan ever disbands itself then this paragraph and the next two paragraphs of this rule are thereupon deleted from this rule. If Vulcan's name is ever legally changed, all unquoted instances of the word "Vulcan" in this rule not followed by the word "Headquarters" shall still refer to the organization that was named "Vulcan" on August 28, 1997, and no other entity but that one may be named "Vulcan". This takes precedence over all other rules that allow anything to get a name in any manner.
Vulcan owns twelve adjacent kaas of land near the edge of Ackanomic. Upon those twelve kaas of land is Vulcan Headquarters, which is an Extravagant building. Vulcan Headquarters is even bigger on the inside than on the outside -- indeed, some say that the interior is infinitely large. Vulcan Headquarters also has a disturbing tendency of changing its appearance and floor plan from time to time, therefore Vulcan may change the description of Vulcan Headquarters at any time. Vulcan may not trade, sell, or otherwise cease to be in possession of Vulcan Headquarters or the land on which it resides. Vulcan, members of Vulcan, and the Evil Overlords of Ackanomic (retired) shall be immune from any requirements associated with owning the land or building granted Vulcan by this rule, except those requirements specified by this rule. Vulcan Headquarters is a Common Location.
Members of Vulcan and Evil Overlords of Ackanomic (retired) are always permitted to enter Vulcan Headquarters; other players may ring the door chime, but are only permitted to enter if a Vulcan member grants permission. Any player who is not a member of Vulcan may be forcefully ejected from Vulcan Headquarters (via catapult) by Vulcan. Any member of Vulcan who is not an Evil Overlord of Ackanomic (retired) may be similarly ejected from Vulcan Headquarters by any Evil Overlord of Ackanomic (retired) who is a member of Vulcan. Any Evil Overlord of Ackanomic (retired) may eject himself from Vulcan Headquarters. Vulcan artillerists are unerringly accurate, and any player ejected from Vulcan Headquarters, as allowed by this rule, goes to his own home, if he has one, or to the Wilds of Ackanomia if he doesn't. Vulcan artillerists do, however, require ammunition, so, notwithstanding the permissions granted above, only players who are in Vulcan Headquarters may be ejected from Vulcan Headquarters as described above. Vulcan Headquarters has six 3500-meter tall ostentatious towers attached to it which are not associated with any player.
Former Emperor of Ackanomic
K 2 (Kelly Kelly)
K 2 once ruled Ackanomic. The player who is legally able to assume the name "K 2" is a Former Emperor of Ackanomic.
Alfvaen (Aaron Humphrey)
The following colours are defined by the Rules:
alabaster; amber; aquamarine; azure; black; blue; brown; burgundy; carnelian; cerulean; chartreuse; crimson; cyan; emerald; fuchsia; gold; green; grey; indigo; lavender; magenta; maroon; mauve; murrey; ochre; orange; peach; pink; puce; purple; red; scarlet; sienna; silver; teal; turquoise; ultramarine; umber; vermilion; viridian; white; yellow;
Alfvaen (Aaron Humphrey)
Any player or Organization may have a Coat of Arms. Coats of Arms are nontradeable entities.
Any entity eligible to have a Coat of Arms may submit a proposed design to the Herald. E may refuse the design at eir discretion, and must do so if it is the same as the Coat of Arms of any other player or organization. If e approves of the design, then the entity requesting the Coat of Arms shall pay the Standard Harfer Fee, and the Herald shall announce the Coat of Arms publicly by posting its blazon. (A blazon is a textual description of the Coat of Arms in standard heraldic language.)
If the bearer of a Coat of Arms should ever be found guilty of a Crime (i.e. a CFCJ's final verdict is that they committed a Crime), then the Herald, may alter eir Coat of Arms by means of an abatement. E may also set conditions to the Arms-bearer for the removal of the abatement.
Coats of Arms are not Garments, but for A$10 a player with a Coat of Arms may purchase a Surcoat bearing their Coat of Arms. Surcoats are Garments.
The Ackanomic Coat of Arms is: Per pale sable and barry wavy tenne and purpure, a scale of justice between a frog and a life-glider, all or.
What Is a Dorum?
Slakko (Duncan Richer)
A dorum is a small felt hat, which is of variegated colours, but always includes at least red, blue, gold and harf. Being a hat, it is a type of Garment, but it is a wierd hat in that it tries to come off whenever you put it on your head. The only way to wear a dorum is while standing on your head. Whenever a player who has not previously been Harfmeister becomes Harfmeister, they receive a dorum.
Honoring The Bard
Attila the Pun (Micah Smukler)
If any public message posted on April 23 is not solely in the form of blank verse (unrhymed iambic pentameter), the poster of that message shall be fined A$3. On April 19 of each year, the Speaker shall post the entire text of this Rule as a public action.
Timestamp: Fri 02 Oct 1998 08:13 EDT
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