The new tour hats were created by the short-lived rule 2099.
In this months issue of the Steal Flea Gazette we bring you Hats, lots of
them.  This was a rule who's time came and went all to quickly.  Several
players submited wonderful hat designs but in this editors official
capacity as Registrar, he was never able to release them.  Now, in the SFG,
you can read all about Ackanomic hats.

SFG Volume 2 Issue 7
In Which we bring you hats

Mohammed's Hat:

My hat is a white cloth hat similar to the khaki ones you see on
British explorers and army types in movies about Africa.  The hat is
suitable for wearing in the desert.  There is nothing else
extraordinary about it.  The reason I chose this hat is because it is
suitable for wearing in the desert, and it gets very hot where I live.
Also, wearing it prevents people from seeing that I have pulled out
gobs of my hair in frustration that in the middle of everything else
that is going on I have to sit here and describe my hat to everyone.
It's a modest hat and is probably very embarrassed at all this
	Actually I don't mind describing it because it brings things
to my mind that I've always liked about this hat but have never really
sat and thought about-- like the way I can tip it down over my eyes
easily, lay back in my chair and snooze.
	The other day two peculiar people stopped by my Oasis while I
was dozing thus and grilled me at length about my hat.  I was
irritated about the interruption but didn't think anything of it until
this Sunday when I saw a familiar face on the cover of Parade (the
weekly pseudo-magazine delivered with one of the Newspapers, I forget
which).  Seems she earned $1.2 million last year.  I don't think the
name that appeared on the cover of Parade is the same as the name she
gave me that afternoon when she and her associate claimed to be from
some investigatory agency or other.  So, perhaps my hat has some other
sort of ability or charactaristic of which I am unaware.  Or perhaps
I'm just babbling, trying to fill 25 lines.

Red Barn's Hat:

 My hat was once infinitely tall, but is now infinitely small, having been
stepped on by the Big Wide-Footed Giant.  It has finite width, however; and
that width is one-half of an average cat-height.  It now appears to be a
perfectly round disc, which stays easily balanced on top of my swelled
head.  It must not be perfectly round, however, as the ratio of its
circumference to diameter is "about three".
  Be that as it may, it has broad stripes in primary and secondary colors,
which originally ran around the sides of the hat and now are collapsed,
sharing space.  Which stripes are visible at what times is indeterminate,
and frequently varies as the wave function breaks on the shore.  The emblem
on the top of the hat was once indeterminate, but as the top now exists, is
merely a small emblem reading "My spire reached infinitely high, and I'm
not even a stupid t-shirt."

Vynd's Hat:

My hat is a slab of concrete, about
seven inches thick in most places.
It is rather jagged and uneven around
the edges, but at it's widest points
must be about 15 feet by 10 feet.  The
bottom is quite smooth, except for an
indentation near the center where my head
goes when I am wearing.  The top is also
pretty regular, except for a large sign
sticking out about 10 feet out of the top,
which reads: "NO TURN ON RED."  There are
some pretty yellow dashes painted on the top,
near one of the edges.

I choose this for my hat because of something
a friend of mine said once.  In a moment of
Zen like sagacity during an English class
with me, expounded: "A man with a brick on his
head, shall grow no taller."

Clearly, this is sound advice.  As it happens,
I am quite tall myself.  This has on occassion
caused me problems, trying to squeze into seats
tha are to small, having to look down on almost
everyone I meet, stuff like that.

Thus I decided to get a large brick.  This one
was the first one I ran across.  I haven't actually
put it on yet, I think I could stand to get maybe
one more inch first, and it's kinda hard to fit
through doors.  I've gotten some nice purple yarn
to tie it on with though, and I've made a sign
to hang from the bottom, down in front of my face,
with the quote from above on it.

[Editors note: Vynds hat is particularly lovely]

Malenkai's Hat:

I want my hat to look like a hat.  I chose that design beause it was
the first thing I thought of, and the rules required me to choose
something, and write this sentence saying why I chose that something.
My hat has about 22 or so more lines of Bandwidth-Wasting Gizz in its
description, to comply with the rule, which is being made up on the
fly.  Originally I wanted to include treasure clues in the description
of my hat, but I realised that with all the BWG in the forum, no one
would have time to read it.  Moreover, this game is so much work for
me that I do not have the time to do the things I like the best, such
as solve and bury treasures.  It seems that others, for some reason, do
not have this problem, but I do.  Am I at 25 yet.  I have to count,
wait ... only 12 oh well stream of conscientness writing was never
my long suit but I'm gonna try to make this sentence run on for the
rest of the description except that I will probably have to stop and
count again and lose my train of thought which is admittedly not very
interesting and will not be read because it is lumped in with every
one elses 25 line description which will add to 625 lines if everyone
complies which may kill sendmail on wilma when sent out, who knows, but
now I must stop and count again only at 19 and I have nothing left in my
stream of conscientness queue and do not want to stop and look up how to
spell that word because it will make this take longer than it needs to
and since it is in a pile of 625 lines of text no one will read it anyway
so what is the point time to count again only 23 two more lines and I
can get back to some more acka work I hope those that are reading this are
getting enjoyment from it 25 done!

Techno's Hat:

My hat is a simple black beret with a bright red button in the center.

Alfvaen's Hat:

There are so many different designs for hats, it's hard to know which one
to pick.  For instance, should it fit over a Prosthetic Forehead with a
huge rack of antlers coming out of the front?  But I believe putting hats
over Prosthetic Foreheads is still illegal.  (And R2099 says nothing about
having to wear it...)  So.  Well, I'm sure that top hats will be overused,
so in this case I'm just going to go for a fedora.  One of those drab brown
things.  But very soft to the touch(and never requiring brushing), so that
it's a pleasure to put on and take off.  It will, of course, fit my head
exactly(when I have no Prosthetic Forehead on), and, most miraculously,
will not endow me with "hat hair" when I remove it.  (Inside it will have a
remarkable nanotech setup of combs etc. which will return my hair to its
original state when I'm about to take it off.)  The brim will be just wide
enough to shield my eyes from the sun when it's in my eyes, and will extend
itself(unobtrusively)as necessary to perform this.  Same deal for keeping
rain off of me--the brim will maneuver itself so as to guide any rain
falling on it off to one side in a totally harmless stream.  The hat will,
of course, be bulletproof(marvelous what they can do with nanotech
nowadays), rigid as a hard hat against other impacts(in fact, better,
because it will dissipate the force so I feel none of it), and also
resistant to the effects of lasers, whether Military or Pulse, due to a
thin reflective layer in the middle.  (Any burns on the outside will be
mended by the nanobots in less than a second.)  Finally, it will possess
little invisible mirrors, so that I can see at any angle around or behind
me with my mental command, and little magnifying/telescopic lenses for
viewing up close or far away.

/dev/joe's Hat:


Robert Sevin's Hat:

My Ackanomic hat is a life-sized replica of the Ackanomic Gaol, complete
with infinite cells, being held aloft by a small robotic replica of Elder
Wayne in true Atlas style. Elder Wayne is garbed in a bright white toga, and
is wearing a belt. Hanging off the belt like Christmas tree ornaments are
Agora Nomic, Ackanomic and InterNomic (the actual nomics themselves, in
their entirety, not replicas). Tattooed on Elder Wayne's chest is the most
recently distributed proposal in Ackanomic. This updates automatically, with
the help of a cadre of tiny robotic fairy tattooists. These fairies fly out
of the underside of the hat's Gaol, quickly update the tattoo, perform a
small light show for anyone who happens to be within visual range of the
hat, and then return to where they came from. The hat's Gaol has the special
feature that it keeps track of who is in the real Gaol, generates small
robotic replicas of whoever is currently in Gaol, and projects them into the
appropriate place in the Gaol that is on my hat. On the roof of the Gaol
that is on my hat, there is a large, circular stage erected. It has the
special property of appearing the same (both in sound and vision) from all
directions. On this stage is a small robotic replica of Elvis Presley, who
repeatedly plays the song Jailhouse Rock. Elvis is wearing a white jumpsuit,
and is wearing a hat that is identical to my Ackanomic hat. Occasionally
(with no detectable pattern) instead of Elvis singing Jailhouse Rock, small
robotic replicas of the Blues Brothers will appear on stage and perform
Jailhouse Rock, while Elvis stands aside and watches the show. Very rarely
will Elvis and the Blues Brothers perform it together. When this occurs, all
of the robotic occupants of the Gaol that is on my hat are taken to the roof
to witness the concert. Once the dual performance is complete, the occupants
are returned to their appropriate locations in the Gaol that is on my hat.
The hat is held to my head by extensive use of duct tape on Elder Wayne's
feet. Since this causes Elder Wayne's feet to itch occasionally, the same
group of fairies that maintains the tattoo on his back also periodically
apply a magical and mysterious balm to his feet (through the duct tape,
somehow) that has the effect of alleviating the itching and making his feet
turn bright blue. Since his feet are covered with duct tape, the latter
effect cannot be witnessed.

I chose this design for my hat because I was in a particularly harfy mood
when I decided to sit down and write the description. I felt that the
instances of recursion would please the party formerly known as (None Yet),
and that having Agora Nomic on my hat could only be good.