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In this months issue of the Steal Flea Gazette we bring you Hats, lots of them. This was a rule who's time came and went all to quickly. Several players submited wonderful hat designs but in this editors official capacity as Registrar, he was never able to release them. Now, in the SFG, you can read all about Ackanomic hats. SFG Volume 2 Issue 7 In Which we bring you hats Mohammed's Hat: My hat is a white cloth hat similar to the khaki ones you see on British explorers and army types in movies about Africa. The hat is suitable for wearing in the desert. There is nothing else extraordinary about it. The reason I chose this hat is because it is suitable for wearing in the desert, and it gets very hot where I live. Also, wearing it prevents people from seeing that I have pulled out gobs of my hair in frustration that in the middle of everything else that is going on I have to sit here and describe my hat to everyone. It's a modest hat and is probably very embarrassed at all this excitement. Actually I don't mind describing it because it brings things to my mind that I've always liked about this hat but have never really sat and thought about-- like the way I can tip it down over my eyes easily, lay back in my chair and snooze. The other day two peculiar people stopped by my Oasis while I was dozing thus and grilled me at length about my hat. I was irritated about the interruption but didn't think anything of it until this Sunday when I saw a familiar face on the cover of Parade (the weekly pseudo-magazine delivered with one of the Newspapers, I forget which). Seems she earned $1.2 million last year. I don't think the name that appeared on the cover of Parade is the same as the name she gave me that afternoon when she and her associate claimed to be from some investigatory agency or other. So, perhaps my hat has some other sort of ability or charactaristic of which I am unaware. Or perhaps I'm just babbling, trying to fill 25 lines. Red Barn's Hat: My hat was once infinitely tall, but is now infinitely small, having been stepped on by the Big Wide-Footed Giant. It has finite width, however; and that width is one-half of an average cat-height. It now appears to be a perfectly round disc, which stays easily balanced on top of my swelled head. It must not be perfectly round, however, as the ratio of its circumference to diameter is "about three". Be that as it may, it has broad stripes in primary and secondary colors, which originally ran around the sides of the hat and now are collapsed, sharing space. Which stripes are visible at what times is indeterminate, and frequently varies as the wave function breaks on the shore. The emblem on the top of the hat was once indeterminate, but as the top now exists, is merely a small emblem reading "My spire reached infinitely high, and I'm not even a stupid t-shirt." Vynd's Hat: My hat is a slab of concrete, about seven inches thick in most places. It is rather jagged and uneven around the edges, but at it's widest points must be about 15 feet by 10 feet. The bottom is quite smooth, except for an indentation near the center where my head goes when I am wearing. The top is also pretty regular, except for a large sign sticking out about 10 feet out of the top, which reads: "NO TURN ON RED." There are some pretty yellow dashes painted on the top, near one of the edges. I choose this for my hat because of something a friend of mine said once. In a moment of Zen like sagacity during an English class with me, expounded: "A man with a brick on his head, shall grow no taller." Clearly, this is sound advice. As it happens, I am quite tall myself. This has on occassion caused me problems, trying to squeze into seats tha are to small, having to look down on almost everyone I meet, stuff like that. Thus I decided to get a large brick. This one was the first one I ran across. I haven't actually put it on yet, I think I could stand to get maybe one more inch first, and it's kinda hard to fit through doors. I've gotten some nice purple yarn to tie it on with though, and I've made a sign to hang from the bottom, down in front of my face, with the quote from above on it. [Editors note: Vynds hat is particularly lovely] Malenkai's Hat: I want my hat to look like a hat. I chose that design beause it was the first thing I thought of, and the rules required me to choose something, and write this sentence saying why I chose that something. My hat has about 22 or so more lines of Bandwidth-Wasting Gizz in its description, to comply with the rule, which is being made up on the fly. Originally I wanted to include treasure clues in the description of my hat, but I realised that with all the BWG in the forum, no one would have time to read it. Moreover, this game is so much work for me that I do not have the time to do the things I like the best, such as solve and bury treasures. It seems that others, for some reason, do not have this problem, but I do. Am I at 25 yet. I have to count, wait ... only 12 oh well stream of conscientness writing was never my long suit but I'm gonna try to make this sentence run on for the rest of the description except that I will probably have to stop and count again and lose my train of thought which is admittedly not very interesting and will not be read because it is lumped in with every one elses 25 line description which will add to 625 lines if everyone complies which may kill sendmail on wilma when sent out, who knows, but now I must stop and count again only at 19 and I have nothing left in my stream of conscientness queue and do not want to stop and look up how to spell that word because it will make this take longer than it needs to and since it is in a pile of 625 lines of text no one will read it anyway so what is the point time to count again only 23 two more lines and I can get back to some more acka work I hope those that are reading this are getting enjoyment from it 25 done! Techno's Hat: My hat is a simple black beret with a bright red button in the center. Alfvaen's Hat: There are so many different designs for hats, it's hard to know which one to pick. For instance, should it fit over a Prosthetic Forehead with a huge rack of antlers coming out of the front? But I believe putting hats over Prosthetic Foreheads is still illegal. (And R2099 says nothing about having to wear it...) So. Well, I'm sure that top hats will be overused, so in this case I'm just going to go for a fedora. One of those drab brown things. But very soft to the touch(and never requiring brushing), so that it's a pleasure to put on and take off. It will, of course, fit my head exactly(when I have no Prosthetic Forehead on), and, most miraculously, will not endow me with "hat hair" when I remove it. (Inside it will have a remarkable nanotech setup of combs etc. which will return my hair to its original state when I'm about to take it off.) The brim will be just wide enough to shield my eyes from the sun when it's in my eyes, and will extend itself(unobtrusively)as necessary to perform this. Same deal for keeping rain off of me--the brim will maneuver itself so as to guide any rain falling on it off to one side in a totally harmless stream. The hat will, of course, be bulletproof(marvelous what they can do with nanotech nowadays), rigid as a hard hat against other impacts(in fact, better, because it will dissipate the force so I feel none of it), and also resistant to the effects of lasers, whether Military or Pulse, due to a thin reflective layer in the middle. (Any burns on the outside will be mended by the nanobots in less than a second.) Finally, it will possess little invisible mirrors, so that I can see at any angle around or behind me with my mental command, and little magnifying/telescopic lenses for viewing up close or far away. /dev/joe's Hat: My new tour hat looks like a tall aspen tree atop my head. I chose this design because of my upcoming job at Aspen Technology. Robert Sevin's Hat: My Ackanomic hat is a life-sized replica of the Ackanomic Gaol, complete with infinite cells, being held aloft by a small robotic replica of Elder Wayne in true Atlas style. Elder Wayne is garbed in a bright white toga, and is wearing a belt. Hanging off the belt like Christmas tree ornaments are Agora Nomic, Ackanomic and InterNomic (the actual nomics themselves, in their entirety, not replicas). Tattooed on Elder Wayne's chest is the most recently distributed proposal in Ackanomic. This updates automatically, with the help of a cadre of tiny robotic fairy tattooists. These fairies fly out of the underside of the hat's Gaol, quickly update the tattoo, perform a small light show for anyone who happens to be within visual range of the hat, and then return to where they came from. The hat's Gaol has the special feature that it keeps track of who is in the real Gaol, generates small robotic replicas of whoever is currently in Gaol, and projects them into the appropriate place in the Gaol that is on my hat. On the roof of the Gaol that is on my hat, there is a large, circular stage erected. It has the special property of appearing the same (both in sound and vision) from all directions. On this stage is a small robotic replica of Elvis Presley, who repeatedly plays the song Jailhouse Rock. Elvis is wearing a white jumpsuit, and is wearing a hat that is identical to my Ackanomic hat. Occasionally (with no detectable pattern) instead of Elvis singing Jailhouse Rock, small robotic replicas of the Blues Brothers will appear on stage and perform Jailhouse Rock, while Elvis stands aside and watches the show. Very rarely will Elvis and the Blues Brothers perform it together. When this occurs, all of the robotic occupants of the Gaol that is on my hat are taken to the roof to witness the concert. Once the dual performance is complete, the occupants are returned to their appropriate locations in the Gaol that is on my hat. The hat is held to my head by extensive use of duct tape on Elder Wayne's feet. Since this causes Elder Wayne's feet to itch occasionally, the same group of fairies that maintains the tattoo on his back also periodically apply a magical and mysterious balm to his feet (through the duct tape, somehow) that has the effect of alleviating the itching and making his feet turn bright blue. Since his feet are covered with duct tape, the latter effect cannot be witnessed. I chose this design for my hat because I was in a particularly harfy mood when I decided to sit down and write the description. I felt that the instances of recursion would please the party formerly known as (None Yet), and that having Agora Nomic on my hat could only be good.