Subject: ackanomic digest V3 #330
From: [email-masked] (ackanomic digest)
To: [email-masked]

ackanomic digest      Monday, September 21 1998      Volume 03 : Number 330

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 15:39:39 -0400 (EDT)
From: JT <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Spell books and bonus votes

I believe I can transform 4 swing points into a bonus vote and
therefore do so.

I offer my SBoC to /dev/joe and note that it should be on page 3.

- --JT

[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.                  ]
[ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ]
[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 15:44:26 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Joseph W. DeVincentis" <[email-masked]>
Subject: Re: Acka: Spell books and bonus votes

JT wrote:
> I offer my SBoC to /dev/joe and note that it should be on page 3.

I accept this Spell Book of Chorg from JT.

I wear the Shades of Chorg.
I read the next page (page 3) from the Spell Book of Chorg JT just gave me.
It disappears in a flash of chartreuse light, leaving behind an otzma card
Map Shard.

I offer this Spell Book of Chorg ans Otzma Card Map Shard to JT.

/dev/joe

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 15:46:54 -0400 (EDT)
From: JT <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Potato (Robert Sevin)

Robert Sevin has found the Magic Potato this week.
IdiotBoy thus has the Great Tuba.

- --JT

[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.                  ]
[ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ]
[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 15:52:17 -0400 (EDT)
From: JT <[email-masked]>
Subject: Re: Acka: Spell books and bonus votes

On Mon, 21 Sep 1998, Joseph W. DeVincentis wrote:
>I offer this Spell Book of Chorg ans Otzma Card Map Shard to JT.

I accept the book and the Otzma Card Map Shard from /dev/joe.

I play the Otzma Card Map Shard and name Alfvaen and Treasure 121.

- --JT, clearing out old treasure or at least trying.

[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.                  ]
[ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ]
[-------------------------------------------------------------------------]

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 16:01:31 -0400 (EDT)
From: Duncan Richer <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Offer

I offer to trade marsboy A$200 for eir BWG Laser Shotgun Attachment.

- -- 
Duncan C. "" Richer aka
Slakko (Lost) Warner - http://dcr24.quns.cam.ac.uk/ - Queens' College
Cambridge, 1st Year PhD(Pure Maths), CUDipSoc, CUSFS, CUSTS, CURS etc
Ackanomic - Web-Harfer, CotC, ChessUmpire, Map-Harfer, Senator

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 16:04:16 -0400 (EDT)
From: [email-masked] (Micah Smukler)
Subject: Acka: hat juggling II

I wear Hat 15.  It is true.  When I wear it, Hat 16 becomes true,
having become false at roughly 1 PM Acka time today.  When Hat 16 became
false, Hat 17 became true.

The texts and weights of these three hats are as follows:

15. It is publicly knowable that this hat, known as Firsty to plain folks,
is being worn while Alfvaen is in Thrall to a member of the Religious Caste.

Weight: 126

16. It is publicly knowable that the Agenda Hat known as Firsty to plain
folks became true in the last week while at the same time this hat, known
as Clown-Like to plain folks, was publicly known to be worn.

Weight: 0

17. It is publicly knowable that the Agenda Hat known as Clown-Like to
plain folks became false in the last week while at the same time this hat,
known as Clown-Like to plain folks, was publicly known to be worn.

Weight: -200

My score is greater than -74; therefore if I haven't screwed up
somehow I achieve a Winning Condition.

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 16:07:56 -0400 (EDT)
From: Duncan Richer <[email-masked]>
Subject: Re: Acka: hat juggling II

On Mon, 21 Sep 1998, Micah Smukler wrote:

> I wear Hat 15.  It is true.  When I wear it, Hat 16 becomes true,
> having become false at roughly 1 PM Acka time today.  When Hat 16 became
> false, Hat 17 became true.
> 
> The texts and weights of these three hats are as follows:
> 
> 15. It is publicly knowable that this hat, known as Firsty to plain folks,
> is being worn while Alfvaen is in Thrall to a member of the Religious Caste.
> 
> Weight: 126
> 
> 16. It is publicly knowable that the Agenda Hat known as Firsty to plain
> folks became true in the last week while at the same time this hat, known
> as Clown-Like to plain folks, was publicly known to be worn.
> 
> Weight: 0
> 
> 17. It is publicly knowable that the Agenda Hat known as Clown-Like to
> plain folks became false in the last week while at the same time this hat,
> known as Clown-Like to plain folks, was publicly known to be worn.
> 
> Weight: -200
> 
> 
> My score is greater than -74; therefore if I haven't screwed up
> somehow I achieve a Winning Condition.

Hat 17 refers to "the Agenda Hat known as Clown-Like".  There is no such
single Hat - as two hats say they are known as Clown-Like.  What is Hat 17
actually referring to?

- -- 
Duncan C. "" Richer aka
Slakko (Lost) Warner - http://dcr24.quns.cam.ac.uk/ - Queens' College
Cambridge, 1st Year PhD(Pure Maths), CUDipSoc, CUSFS, CUSTS, CURS etc
Ackanomic - Web-Harfer, CotC, ChessUmpire, Map-Harfer, Senator

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 16:42:45 -0400 (EDT)
From: Matt Miller <[email-masked]>
Subject: Re: Acka: Potato (Robert Sevin)

On Mon, 21 Sep 1998, JT wrote:

> Robert Sevin has found the Magic Potato this week.

I offer Robert Sevin the Magic Potatoe's pair of wolly pants.

IB
still Mr. Chucklehead after all these years.

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 17:19:20 -0400 (EDT)
From: Tom Walmsley <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Name Change

I pay the Standard Harfer Fee to change the name of my Free Swingership
to "Jungle VIPs".

Tempted though I am to change my own name as well I don't think I will
just at the moment. :-)

- --
Tom Walmsley [email-masked]
http://website.lineone.net/~t.walmsley/index.html
AIM: TGW666 ICQ 2925739
Bonvolu alsendi la pordiston, lausajne estas rano en mia bideo.

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 17:50:56 -0400 (EDT)
From: Gabe Drummond-Cole <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: some stuff

I head over to the library, where I play the song "james dean" by the
eagles on the Ass.  It goes:

"You were the low down rebel if there ever was
even if you had no cause.
James Dean, you said it all so clean
and I know my life would look alright
if I could see it on the silver screen.

We'll talk about a low-down bad refrigerator,
you were just too cool for school.
Sock hop, soda pop, basketball and auto shop,
the only thing that got you off was breakin' all the rules."

I just generally get down and funky, then I go home.

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 18:15:35 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Joseph W. DeVincentis" <[email-masked]>
Subject: Re: Acka: The ACK issue 12

> 2. Rot-Crossword
> Solve the following rot-crossword.  It is a 4-by-5 grid with no black
> squares; five 4-letter words read across and four 5-letter words read
> down.  Because it is a rot-crossword, each entry in the grid except
> 1-across has been rotated by a certain number of letters in the alphabet.
> The five across answers run end to end, as they appear in the grid, is
> the answer to this piece.
> Across:  1. One of Ackanomic's treasured things.  5. Notice.  6. Not have.
> 7. Often a two-by-four.  8. A by-product of Superman?
> Down: 1. Add-on.  2. A former Ackan.  3. The Gathering.  4. Result.

I realize I might not have made this as clear as I intended.

The letters entered in the grid for each clue are the answer to that clue
shifted by some number of letters in the alphabet, so CLUE might be
entered as DMVF or ENWG, etc.

Each entry (except one-across) is shifted by some number of letters; for
each entry, this number may be and probably is different than the number
for any other entry.  Note that this means that a letter in the grid
probably represents two different letters in the words that cross there.

One-across is not shifted to ensure there is only one answer; otherwise,
there would be 26 possible answers!

/dev/joe

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 18:51:24 -0400 (EDT)
From: Mitchell Harding <[email-masked]>
Subject: Re: Acka: Potato (Robert Sevin)

At 04:42 PM 9/21/98 -0400, you wrote:
>On Mon, 21 Sep 1998, JT wrote:
>
>> Robert Sevin has found the Magic Potato this week.
>
>I offer Robert Sevin the Magic Potatoe's pair of wolly pants.
>
>IB
>still Mr. Chucklehead after all these years.

I accept this transaction, if it is necessary.

Harf,
Robert Sevin
<http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~mitcharf/>

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 19:43:04 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Head Apollo" <[email-masked]>
Subject: Re: acka: RE: forgery

>i have some trinkets i want to make for the treasure i recently buried.  It
>is illuminati-themed, with never whistle while you're pissing, sacred chao,
>etc.  The thing is, since it has to do with this, i want to make a trinket
>(in a larger group) with 'Eris' in its name.  If i do so, will you give it
>back to me so that i can use it, or should i just make it Er*s or
something?

Yeah, sure.

Eris

(Not really evil, more chaos.)

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 20:57:45 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Head Apollo" <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: The Discordian Times

The Discordian Times
Volume 1 Issue 1
Monday 22 September 1998

"Mis-reporting the facts so you don’t have to."
- ---
EVIL MATHS TROLLS

Acka was fraught with hostility this month as various players disputed the
radian as a standard mathematical unit. Leading the pro-radian movement
was Fo (the Ackazen we love to know as Slakko even still) who proudly
proclaimed "I have a degree in mathematics". Although this reporter
believes Fo to be correct (and I rate maths next to voluntary
non-anaesthetised bowel surgery) this statement obviously deserved
punishment, swift and brutal. Praise then should go to Weishaupt and
proposal 3610 which will (to an extent) irreversibly name Fo "Gretchold
the Evil Maths Troll". Whilst I am against this kind of malicious targeting
which Fo is only too well aware of, I believe this is a necessary step.
Otherwise people will start talking about stuff like Asynchronous
Protocols ...
- ---
GENETIC EXPERIMENTATION

In a rather crude attempt at genetic splicing, Fortunato melded JT and Eris
into a single creature, the JTEris. At first it was believed that we could
live
at peace with the JTEris and that its taste for human flesh and general
carnage was, in the words of one concerned onlooker, "just a phase".
Sadly however, the JTEris was all too short lived, destroyed by its creator
who was reported as stating: "Maybe I should not have tried to play God,
maybe we should have let Mother Nature divine her own ..." [That’s
enough reformed Evil Scientist rambling - ed.]
- ---
TRINKET SCHMINKET

Rex Mundi astonished all onlookers by successfully completing a harrowing
ordeal on the Ackan river along with Studge, Marsboy and K 2.
On his return however, he revealed an ancient artifact which he claimed to
have found "just lying around". It appeared to be some kind of donut but
Rex Mundi kept it well out of our reporter’s reach claiming that the
"omnipotence will soon be transferred - bwuhahahaha!!!".
- ---
OUT OF INTER

Mr Tambourine Man handed over the reigns of Ambassador to Eris and
quickly dove from the runaway stagecoach that is Internomic. At the same
time, bugging equipment which our Editor had lent to Studge by hiding in
his home while he was out bore fruit when the following message was
received from an anonymous courier:

"And I’ll tell you another thing, if Eris thinks he can just 'become'
Ambassador then he’s *** with *** ***. You know what he does don’t
you? He *** *** a *** green *** with both hands. If I catch that ***
around here I’ll personally *** his *** *** and *** *** *** ... [continues
for several paragraphs - ed.] ... *** until it breaks off."

Studge was said to be "more than happy" with Eris being chosen as
Ambassador over him according to official sources.
- ---
SCAREMONGER IN INQUIRY OVER BRIBES

Scaremonger Eris received the princely sum of A$1 from K 2 for his first
official panic inducing rant. Eris later denied to our reporters that
bribery
had infected this office. He added:

"If a player suddenly and for no reason gifted me [is that a verb? - ed.]
large sums of Ackadollars and privately requested that my rants include a
certain subject then obviously I would have to ignore such a request on
moral grounds. Also, on an unrelated matter, if I were to use some form of
public message to deny immoral activity then ..."

Unfortunately our non-entity(tm) Dictaphones failed to pick up the rest of
this message.
- ---
ADVERTS:

If you feel that The Discordian Times has failed to cover an important
story, feel free to harangue our editor who will be happy to harangue you
back. (Haranguing may differ for each recipient, cash equivalents not
offered.)

Scaremonger. Will accept sizeable donations. Wink wink.

Wanted. Pig and Elephant DNA. Will pay large sums for four-assed
variants.
- ---
DISCLAIMER

Any sources quoted in The Discordian Times are probably made up.
Unless they are noted as "official" sources. In which case we tried really
hard to remember exactly what it was the person said then just made it up
anyway.
- ---
Editor: Eris (Gavin Logan) [email-masked]
All submissions reviewed.

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 20:57:49 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Head Apollo" <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Evil is Good

I request membership in the Church of the Evil Ballot Stuffer.

Eris

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Date: Mon, 21 Sep 1998 20:57:51 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Head Apollo" <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Ambassadorness

These are the results of the hearing on INP 383:

For:

Rex Mundi
Ethelred
Niccolo Flychuck
Mr Tambourine Man
Fortunato
Eris
Fo
Fo's EBS
Altra the FireCat
Studge

Against:

K 2

Therefore, Ackanomic will be voting for this proposal.

Eris

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End of ackanomic digest V3 #330
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