Subject: acka-finance-digest V3 #37
From: [email-masked] (acka-finance-digest)
To: [email-masked]

acka-finance-digest       Friday, March 27 1998       Volume 03 : Number 037

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Date: Fri, 27 Mar 1998 22:14:14 -0500 (EST)
From: Towsner <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Ackan Reserve Financial Report

Daily News:
	The universe ceased to exist, and reappeared as schedualed, without
any visible problems.

Rules and Regulations:
	A new committee was created today at the Ackan Reserve.  The new
Committee for Monitoring the Reports of the Committee for Blame
Reallocation will review all reports from the Committee for Blame
Reallocation for factual acuracy.
	The CBR announced that the inaccurate dates in many Financial
Reports was caused by an error in Elsifian EnterPrize's Temporal
Parachutes.  The CMRCBR, at the prompting of else...if, Chair of the Ackan
Reserve and owner of Elsifian EnterPrizes parent corporation, Shell#10,
described the report as "totally inaccurate" and "believeable only by a
pack of cross-eyed monkeys."  The report was retracted, and a revised
report is expected shortly.

Stock Market Information:

Assuming no futher announcements today, the following information will take
affect at the beginning of March 28 will be:

	Current Value: 28.0
	Positivity Value: 21.9
	Activity Value: 6.1

	Change Today: +0.0
	Change in Positivity: +0.0
	Change in Activity: FROZEN
	Percent Change: +0.0%

Note: This message is equipped with a Temporal Parachute from Elsifian
EnterPrizes.
	Elsifian EnterPrizes is a wholly owned subsidiary of Shell#10
	Elsifian EnterPrizes, because sometimes when there's only one
supplier, you have to pay our prices.

- --
The Ackan Reserve Financial Report
Published by the board of the Ackan Reserve
Coming daily since 1998

	else...if

		ELSE...IF

	Chair, Ackan Reserve

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End of acka-finance-digest V3 #37
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