Subject: acka-finance-digest V3 #31
From: [email-masked] (acka-finance-digest)
To: [email-masked]

acka-finance-digest       Friday, March 20 1998       Volume 03 : Number 031

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Date: Fri, 20 Mar 1998 22:33:38 -0500 (EST)
From: Towsner <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Ackan Reserve Financial Report

Daily News:
	Silence.

Rules and Regulations:
	The Ackan Reserve Committee for Blame Reallocation has determined
that the tornado was responsible for the delay in releasing the first draft
of the new activity value.  According the report, "[the Committee's]
research indicates that reverse time hypoharmonic frequencies generated by
the tornado caused the draft, which had been mailed several days before, to
be caught in a time sink which sucked it forward several days, before it
fortunately landed in the mail server and was delivered as if nothing was
wrong.  It was only due to the careful planning of our brilliant Chair,
else...if, that a temporal parachute was installed on the draft, as it is
on all mail sent from the Ackan Reserve.  The temporal parachute prevented
it from being sucked out of existance, instead only delaying it a few days."

Stock Market Information:

Assuming no futher announcements today, the following information will take
affect at the beginning of March 21 will be:

	Current Value: 24.5
	Positivity Value: 18.4
	Activity Value: 6.1

	Change Today: +0.0
	Change in Positivity: +0.0
	Change in Activity: FROZEN
	Percent Change: +0.0%

Note: This message is equipped with a Temporal Parachute from Elsifian
EnterPrizes.  Elsifian EnterPrizes: A junk bond since 1998.

- --
The Ackan Reserve Financial Report
Published by the board of the Ackan Reserve
Coming daily since 1998

	else...if

		ELSE...IF

	Chair, Ackan Reserve

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End of acka-finance-digest V3 #31
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