Subject: acka-finance-digest V3 #19
From: [email-masked] (acka-finance-digest)
To: [email-masked]

acka-finance-digest      Saturday, March 7 1998      Volume 03 : Number 019

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Date: Sat, 07 Mar 1998 21:48:17 -0500 (EST)
From: Towsner <[email-masked]>
Subject: Acka: Ackan Reserve Financial Report

Daily News:
	The Ackan Stock Market shot up today, reaching its highest value
ever.  Says one investor, "The system is perfect.  The stock market will go
up forever.  It can't possibly fall."  else...if, the chair of the Ackan
Reserve, was more cautious, worrying that investors might become
"irrationally exuberant" at the newly rising market.  Asked if he felt the
resignation of the Caped Crusader would have any effect on the market, he
said, "The Caped Crusader?  Why should I know anything about the Caped
Crusader?  I have no relation to at all to the Caped Crusader.  Thank you,
no further questions."
	The Ackan Reserve determined that the Undersecretary for Positivity
Readjustments was responsible for yesterday's miscalculation of the
Activity Value, and released hime from the Reserve's employment.  The
Secretary for Positivity Readjustments, who seems to suffer from an
unfortunate condition which causes his head to shake rapidly back and
forth, said, "Frankly, we're glad to see him gone.  He was never a team
player, and probably sabatoged the numbers intentionally."

Rules and Regulations:
	The Ackan Reserve has completed an investigation of the Activity
Value, and has released its findings.  According to the report, the
Activity Value is "unsalvagable," and must be eliminated.  The report
offers a number of suggestions for replacements, either a random index,
hearing results, the judgement results on CFJ's, or the other two which
were presented in the original stock market draft: unity votes and stock
purchase/sale.  The report also calls for insider trading to become a
crime.  In response to the report, else...if said that, "I definately
intend to solve the problems brought up by this report.  I would like the
input of the people of Ackanomic in selecting a replacement index, and I
plan to submit a request to change it to the people of Ackanomic within the
next few days.

Stock Market Information:

Assuming no futher announcements today, the following information will take
affect at the beginning of March 8 will be:

	Current Value: 20.3
	Positivity Value: 13
	Activity Value: 7.3

	Change Today: +3.6
	Change in Positivity: +3.0
	Change in Activity: +0.6

	Total Purchases: 20
	Total Sales: 0

- --
The Ackan Reserve Financial Report
Published by the board of the Ackan Reserve
Coming daily since 1998

	else...if

		ELSE...IF

	Chair, Ackan Reserve

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End of acka-finance-digest V3 #19
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