ackanomic Digest Friday, December 04 1998 Volume 03 : Issue 434 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- From: JT Subject: Acka: A great Honor Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 00:35:43 -0500 (EST) With a bit of ceremony, and a still festive mood since the Fat Lady is still singing from this morning, I call the following people forward to recieve appropriate Blue Crosses, and Stripes. Somehow Calvin N Hobbes has only been marked as having had 3 silver stripes and his Blue Cross Rank entitles him to 1 gold stripe. I happily award this gold stripe to Calvin N Hobbes. This also gives him the title of Officer of the Blue Cross. K 2, for passing a Blue Cross Rank of 80 earns another silver stripe to go with the 1 gold and 1 silver e already wears. ThinMan, for achieving a Blue Cross Rank of 60 earns his first gold stripe, replacing the 3 silvers e previously had. He also earns the title of Officer of the Blue Cross for recieving his first gold stripe. And finally, Trent, for reaching a Blue Cross Rank of 20, recieves his Blue Cross. Please everyone congratulate them for a job well done. --JT, President [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: Duncan Richer Subject: Acka: CFJ 697 (rufus) Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 05:20:24 -0500 (EST) Danek is deadbeat. rufus has been selected. Call for Judgement 697 - November 17, 1998 Subject: Beavis Initiator: Pol Pot (sent Nov 17 1998, 02:50 Acka) 1st Judge: Danek (chosen Nov 19 1998, 05:21 Acka) (deadbeat) 2nd Judge: rufus Judgement: Statement: Pol Pot is a butthead Reasoning: None ------------------------------ From: Duncan Richer Subject: Acka: CFJ 706 (rufus) Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 05:20:32 -0500 (EST) Thomas Jute has gone deadbeat. rufus has been selected. Call for Judgement 706 - November 23, 1998 Subject: Church Policy PWCFJ Take 2 Initiator: Pol Pot (sent Nov 23 1998, 05:31 Acka) 1st Judge: Thomas Jute (chosen Nov 24 1998, 04:27 Acka) (deadbeat) 2nd Judge: rufus Judgement: Statement: The legality of Pol Pot's donation of Alice in Wonderland to They Might Be About to Win a Cycle cannot be determined with finality. Reasoning: this is a paradox win CFJ Rule 1301 says: c. A Player who disobeys the Church Policy of a Church of which he or she is a member is guilty of Iconoclasm, which is a Crime. It is impermissible for a Player to take a game action which constitutes Iconoclasm if he or she has any legal alternative which would not constitute Iconoclasm. [That is, Iconoclasm normally doesn't happen unless there is no alternative. It is possible for a player to commit Iconoclasm by inaction, though.] Because the Church Policy is continually flipping back and forth between requiring and not allowing its members to donate such trinkets to the Church, it is impossible to determine with finality which state the game was in when I attempted to donate the trinket. ------------------------------ From: Duncan Richer Subject: Acka: CFJ 709 (Euphrates) Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 05:20:48 -0500 (EST) SIRe has declined judgement. Euphrates has been selected. Call for Judgement 709 - November 24, 1998 Subject: Indeterminate Treasure Value PWCFJ Initiator: else...if (sent Nov 24 1998, 18:00 Acka) 1st Judge: SIRe (chosen Nov 25 1998, 04:05 Acka) (declined) 2nd Judge: Euphrates Judgement: Statement: It is equally legal and illegal for the Treasure-Harfer to mark the treasure described above (the one with the map reading "This sentence is false. If the previous sentence is true, else...if will find this treasure.") as found. Reasoning: First, this is a PWCFJ. This is the same concept as PolPot's recent PW. The questions is whether this is close enough to be dismissed as invalid. ------------------------------ From: Duncan Richer Subject: Acka: CFJ 708 (Wild Card) Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 05:20:49 -0500 (EST) rufus has gone deadbeat. Wild Card has been selected. Call for Judgement 708 - November 23, 1998 Subject: Caste Membership II Initiator: Pol Pot (sent Nov 23 1998, 13:40 Acka) 1st Judge: rufus (chosen Nov 25 1998, 04:04 Acka) (deadbeat) 2nd Judge: Wild Card Judgement: Statement: Else...if is currently a member of a Caste. Reasoning: Clearly this CFJ is very closely related to my previous one. JT made 3 random determinations and told them to me as dungeon master, but did not post them publically. Were these valid in terms of letting people into their castes? Since the determinations were made and I was told what the results were after people were removed from their castes by 3724, did that removal affect else..if? Note that the same question applies to ethelred and Red Barn. ------------------------------ From: jobollin@iumsc4.chem.indiana.edu (John Bollinger) Subject: Acka: Elligible! Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 08:13:55 -0500 (EST) I remove myself from the CFJ inelligibility list. ThinMan ------------------------------ From: Matt Miller Subject: Acka: My momma tole me, you'd better *ping* around. Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 09:43:09 -0500 (EST) Today is Friday, the 4th day of December, and the Machine That Goes *ping* Has Gone *ping* today. Since I have been scholar, the Machine has gone *ping* 11 times. IB Scholar of *ping* ------------------------------ From: Thierry Joffrain Subject: Re: Acka: A great Honor Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 10:10:56 -0500 (EST) >Somehow Calvin N Hobbes has only been marked as having had 3 silver >stripes and his Blue Cross Rank entitles him to 1 gold stripe. I happily >award this gold stripe to Calvin N Hobbes. This also gives him the title >of Officer of the Blue Cross. Thank you Mr President. CnH ------------------------------ From: K 2 Subject: Acka: Hat ditich Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 13:06:10 -0500 (EST) I bury the hat that I own with the condition "The owner of this hat has owned exactly eleven different agenda hats." as a treasure. It will be found by the next player who is currently eligible for T200 to become ineligible. K 2 ------------------------------ From: Gabe Drummond-Cole Subject: Re: Acka: Hat ditich Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 13:30:47 -0500 (EST) I bury the hat I own with a condition authored by Studge with the map: "This treasure will be found by the next player to be second in a duel in which Studge is second. Studge cannot find this treasure" -- Trent Crazy French-Scotsman, Daring Adventurer, Dungeon Master, Really Weird, Rules-Harfer, Worker Caste, Weird ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Acka: Elderhood Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 14:56:22 -0500 (EST) Just so you all know, breadbox officially became entitled to the title Elder today. --JT [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: "Gavin Logan" Subject: Acka: Phoebe Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 16:07:26 -0500 (EST) I was sitting in my still undefined home pouring my liquid form over my notes about breadbox in the hope of being able to form some kind of ode to the mighty fallen one, when I thought I heard a noise behind me. Ever wary of the threat of smallpox blanket's crack team of assassins, I dove to the floor (as I find holding a small white bird on the ground is an excellent aid in avoiding incoming fire). While scrambling with this unfortunate bird in the dirt, I found a matchbox. And being an Ackan I knew immediately what that meant. Of course I was quite overjoyed as a visit from Phoebe can really brighten up an otherwise routine day of opium addiction. The matchbox slid open and, in a flash of infinitesimally small light, out leaped the flea of steel. "Pleased to meet you. Hope you guessed my name." It said. "Oh wise Phoebe, deliver unto me the McNuggets of your wisdom that I might be blessedeth." Phoebe cleared her throat. "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, as it makes them soggy and difficult to relight." "Hang on," I said, "you've just stolen one of Alfvaen's hilarious sigs and pawned it off as wisdom!" "Oh alright," it said, "here's your real wisdom: how many monkeys does it take to fill a barrel of light bulbs?" "12." I said, cos I was quick ye see. "No, twenty-three." "Hang on a second, Phoebe would never say anything so crass. Who are you?" "I am your evil twin, sIRE. And I have come, albeit in flea-form, to suck out your brain." "Mmm, Phoebe, have you been at the nanotech oil again?" ... ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Re: Acka: Phoebe Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 16:26:39 -0500 (EST) On Fri, 4 Dec 1998, Gavin Logan wrote: [absolutely wonderful phoebe wisdom snipped] While the wisdom was wonderful, it was unfortunately sent 13 hours (approximately) too late after the Fri, 04 Dec 1998 02:41:57 -0500 (EST) deadline from when sIRE found Phoebe. --JT [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Acka: Eggplant Bidding (series G) begins Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 16:27:46 -0500 (EST) The following players submitted Agenda Hats. Those players should reply to me to register their bids on the following conditions. ----------------------------------------- Trent ----------------------------------------- G1: The wearer of this hat found a treasure buried before the 16th of September, 1998 after they came into possession of this hat G2: This is the first hat that the wearer of this hat has worn ----------------------------------------- Wild Card ----------------------------------------- G3: The owner of this hat has either owned zero Agenda hats and three Eggplants within the previous cycle or has joined the game for the first time since the current cycle began. ----------------------------------------- /dev/joe ----------------------------------------- G4: Ackanomic has precisely 257 rules. G5: Ackanomic has precisely 41 non-unique organizations. G6: The Machine that goes *ping* has gone *ping* precisely 6 times since the last time it teleported to another player's home. ----------------------------------------- Vynd ----------------------------------------- G7: The letters in the name of the wearer of this hat are in alphabetical order, and the letters of the name of the owner of this eggplant are not. G8: The owner of this hat has had more different names than any other player of Ackanomic, or else has had only one name. ----------------------------------------- Slakko ----------------------------------------- G9: The owner of this Hat and the owner of this Eggplant have both been a Second to Slakko in a Duel and have fought a Duel against Slakko. ----------------------------------------- else...if ----------------------------------------- G10: The score of the owner of this hat is boring. This must be proven. G11: This agenda hat is described in the rules as having two ears and a hron. G12: There are a negative number of heads in Ackanomic. ----------------------------------------- K 2 ----------------------------------------- G13: This hat belongs to a newbie. G14: This hat belongs to a player who has never won a cycle and does not own a winning condition. [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Acka: Phoebe (else...if) Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 16:28:15 -0500 (EST) Else...if has found Phoebe's Matchbox. --JT [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: Towsner Subject: Re: Acka: Church Founding Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 16:28:29 -0500 (EST) >I pseudofound a church called the Church of SCAM > >Any and all players of acka (or non-player entities) who delight in SCAM, >in HARF, and in NEEDLESS CAPITALIZATION are welcome. I'm interested in joining. -- -Henry Towsner Thank heavens, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and enjoy it. -Logan Pearsall Smith ------------------------------ From: Gabe Drummond-Cole Subject: Acka: hats Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 17:07:08 -0500 (EST) Everyone who has been wearing more than 1 agenda hat has been doing so in blatant disregard of the rules. I take off any agenda hats that i am wearing I sell all agenda hats I own to the Mad Hatters -- Trent Crazy French-Scotsman, Daring Adventurer, Dungeon Master, Really Weird, Rules-Harfer, Worker Caste, Weird ------------------------------ From: Towsner Subject: Acka: ASS Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 17:10:43 -0500 (EST) I go to the Library and set the song to "Whatver Lola Wants" from Damn Yankees, the 1994 Broadway Soundtrack. I go home. -- -Henry Towsner Thank heavens, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and enjoy it. -Logan Pearsall Smith ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Re: Acka: hats Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 17:16:08 -0500 (EST) On Fri, 4 Dec 1998, Gabe Drummond-Cole wrote: >Everyone who has been wearing more than 1 agenda hat has been doing so in >blatant disregard of the rules. Slakko, Jenny and Wild Card are each currently wearing 2 hats. Alfvaen is currently wearing 3 hats. I've submitted a prop to fix this. --JT [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: Towsner Subject: Acka: Phoebe Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 17:23:21 -0500 (EST) On my way home, humming "Whatever Lola Wants" I trip over a small stone and hit my head on a red and blue stripped matchbox. I open it and, in traditional fashion, Phoebe exits. She takes one look at me and returns, shutting the box behind her. Small nanotech rockets on the end of the box fire, and it begins to leave. "Phoebe! You have to give me advice!" I yell. "I'll CFCJ you otherwise." The box turns around and Phoebe sticks her head out. "Fine, I suppose even you have to get advice." "Even you? What are you mad at me for?" "Besides your general bungling of my advice in the past, your playing *that* song." Yes, she pronounceed the asterices. "What's wrong with *that* song?" I didn't. I have no idea how she makes that sound. "It's about *her*." "*Her*? Who? Lola? Who's Lola?" "Here's your advice: don't talk about her, don't think about her, and, above all, don't encourage her." And with that the matchbox turned back around and flew into the sky. I return to the library and play "Whatever Phoebe Wants" from Ackanomic Records. Whatever Phoebe says, Phoebe knows... -- -Henry Towsner Thank heavens, the sun has gone in, and I don't have to go out and enjoy it. -Logan Pearsall Smith ------------------------------ From: Matt Miller Subject: Acka: Melon Purchase Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 17:24:22 -0500 (EST) I go to the AIGR. I purchase 2 additional heads at a cost of A$100. I go "whee, whee, whee" all the way home. IB heady ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Re: Acka: Eggplant Bidding (series G) begins Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 17:25:59 -0500 (EST) On Fri, 4 Dec 1998, JT wrote: >The following players submitted Agenda Hats. Those players should reply >to me to register their bids on the following conditions. I forgot to announce the range of the bids is -231 to 115 --JT [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Acka: Phoebe (Ballot Stuffer) Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 17:30:17 -0500 (EST) Ballot Stuffer has found Phoebe's Matchbox --JT [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ From: JT Subject: Re: Acka: Proposal 3822 accepted Date: Fri, 04 Dec 1998 22:40:02 -0500 (EST) >With the passage of this proposal, We are now in a Puppet Dictatorship and >MTM is the Emperor of Ackanomic. In response to this, I set my rebelliousness characteristic to 'on'. --JT [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. ] [ It's hard to seize the day when you must first grapple with the morning ] [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] ------------------------------ End of ackanomic Digest V3 #434 *******************************