From: owner-acka-finance-digest@muppetlabs.com (acka-finance-digest) To: acka-finance-digest@muppetlabs.com Subject: acka-finance-digest V3 #66 Reply-To: acka-finance@muppetlabs.com Sender: owner-acka-finance-digest@muppetlabs.com Errors-To: owner-acka-finance-digest@muppetlabs.com Precedence: bulk acka-finance-digest Sunday, April 26 1998 Volume 03 : Number 066 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sun, 26 Apr 1998 21:24:35 -0400 (EDT) From: Towsner Subject: Acka: Ackan Reserve Financial Report Daily News: As if exhausted by yesterday's rise, the market sunk by less than one point today, to 101.5. Nontheless today was a busy day for many people, such as the president of Shell#3 Mutual Funds, who is busily trying to replace his staff, most of whom retired to a resort on the moon of Oklahoma. In other news, the Ackan Reserve said that it hopes to subcontract its murders to the Independant Ackan. if stated that, "We estimate that there will be anywhere between 50 and 200 murders neccessary to finish clearing the incompetents hired by my other head. Among the people scheduled for removal are the entire staff of the Committee for Blame Reallocation and both its oversight committees. The agreement is under negotiation. Rules and Regulations: The Reserve's Research Board was busy today, making a major reform proposal to Ackanomic and releasing a new and possibly final draft of its Internomic Trade Act. The Board says it hopes to make a formal proposal to Internomic by the middle of the week. Once again the Ackan Reserve urges all Ackans to vote FOR the queued proposals which affect the Stock Market. Stock Market Information: Assuming no futher announcements today, the following information will take affect tomorrow: Current Value: 101.5 Positivity Value:73.1 Activity Value: 28.4 Change Today -0.6 Change in Positivity: +0.0 Change in Activity: -0.6 Activities Today: 7 - -- The Ackan Reserve Financial Report Published by the board of the Ackan Reserve Coming daily since 1998 else...if ELSE...IF Chair, Ackan Reserve ------------------------------ End of acka-finance-digest V3 #66 *********************************