Kolot Ackanomic

This is the archive of Niccolo Flychuck's articles published in the newspaper "Kolot Ackanomic".

Date: Sun, 8 Dec 1996 01:31:49 +0200 (EET)

Kolot Ackanomic Premiere Issue

Citizens of Ackanomic,

Kolot Ackanomic Premiere issue is here.
For this special 1st issue, which is published on a date of a Party-Hall Party, Kolot presents eir new readers with this ballad written by Guy Fawkes.

Earlier today, the Vulcan Swinger, who also doubles as Chess-Umpire, was seen dancing around in Party-Hall singing this very ballad. Every now and then he would dance over to the PartyBoard and examine the board position, undoubtedly considering eir next move, only to start singing again a few moments later, with traditional musical accompaniment that didn't appear to originate anywhere in particular.


The Ballad of Party Chess

There is a board in Party Hall; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
There is a board in Party Hall, and on it armies rise and fall.
'Tis a miracle 'tis used at all --
For the game that could never begin, begin
For the game that could never begin.

Sir Flychuck sent an RFC; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
Sir Flychuck sent an RFC, 'twas analyzed quite heatedly,
And then he passed proposals three--
But to think that was all is a sin, a sin
To think that was all is a sin.

For on a trip he went away; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
For on a trip he went away, and then again returned one day.
To find a game he could not play--
For the rules had passed without men, no men
The rules had passed without men.

The men were made, and that was great; sing, rickety-tickety-tin.
The men were made, and that was great, but still the game was stalemate,
For no one wished to moderate--
And the rules needed written again, again
The rules needed written again.

These rules, to some, seem'd paradox'd; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
These rules, to some, seem'd paradox'd, and to them jurisprents flocked,
All Party Chess's chances rocked--
All seeking a paradox win, a win
All seeking a paradox win.

The paradoxen were unmade; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
The paradoxen were unmade, but then Malenkai CFJ'd;
The court said, "It cannot be played--
Go rewrite the rules again, again
Go rewrtie the rules again

The rules were fixed, or so thought we; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
The rules were fixed, or so thought we, but then came Swing'rs and Gravity,
So crazy did the whole thing be--
You would think we were all frinking gin, yes gin
You would think we were all frinking gin.

And now the game's on solid ground; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
And now the game's on solid ground, and now new pieces do abound,
And so we say don't stand around--
Oh, become a Swinger; join in, join in
Yes, become a Swinger; join in.

And if you do not like my song; sing rickety-tickety-tin.
And if you do not like my song, you yourself are in the wrong,
You've yourself to blame if it's too long--
You should never have let me begin, begin
You should never have let me begin.

Date: Tue, 31 Dec 1996 22:33:17 +0200 (EET)


As the end of the calender month draws near, Ackanomic newspapers are working around the clock to get eir next issue out. The Steal Flea Gazzette has already capitalized on this media panic and has attmepted to turn the current media crisis into a news event in its own right.

Kolot Ackanomic was never in any danger, its premiere issue having been published earlier this calendar month. However, in keeping with its commitment to keep its readers informed and address the issues, whatever they are, it publishes this Special Holiday Issue.

At this time, it appears that some of our faithful press people will not bounce back from the long Holiday which just ended.

What would be the short term and long term effects of this crisis?

The short term effect are pretty obvious. A sudden gap will be created in the press scene with the consequence that a small number of publishers will effectively control the news market. While this leaves Ackanomic in the hands of a supposed information monopoly, it also puts a heavier burden of responsibility on the publishers that will survive.

In the long range, however, this might even be beneficial. Like a forest fire which clears the way for new saplings, the gap would allow new faces to get into the press scene. There is no way to know how long it will take for such young talents to sprout forth and rise until they become a house-hold name in Ackanomic.

Niccolo Flychuck

Date: Fri, 31 Jan 1997 13:19:36 +0200 (EET)


Recently, an innocent query made by Speaker Malenkai uncovered duringthe time President Flychuck served as Registrar, he had 'misplaced' records pertaining to the Undead. President Flychuck had initially denied all knowledge of this matter, but later admitted that he might have been negligent after all, and blurted out a sort of an apology. One can only speculate as to whether this was indeed nothing more than negligence. Should any of the Undead return to Ackanomic some day, it will be up to President Flychuck to face them and provide explanations as to the entities their Undead were supposed to have been haunting.


Ever since Strider became the new NAP Swinger, new life have been injected into PartyChess.
While it is not yet clear what kind of strategy Strider will employ, one can already see several different differect strategies employed by the mre veteran Swingers.
The HARF Swinger, Bascule engages in Guerilla tactics with little regard to long-range benefits. The Vulcan Swinger used eir opening moves to fortify a portion of the board and make it defensible, and then starting to move in on the center of the PartyBoard. Control of the center would give Vulcan a strategic advantage. The (None Yet) Swinger prefers to spread out eir pieces, effectively vying for control with Vulcan.

Nicolai Chuckarov
reporting for Kolot Ackanomic

edited by Niccolo Flychuck

Date: Fri, 7 Feb 1997 19:54:05 +0200 (EET)

No More War

In an exclusive interview to Kolot Ackanomic, President Flychuck reveals his involvement in the Thring's decision to reject the so-called "War Proposal".
Over the past two weeks rumors abounded about a proposal in our sister nomic Thring, to declare war on Ackanomic, following Acaknomic's win in Internomic. These disturbing news have been brought to Ackanomic by Ambassador snowgod.
President Flychuck wasted no time in initiating informal talks with the Thring leadership.
EArly this week the failure of this proposal was reported. The President feels that he played no small part in this, even though it has been suggested that he might have been making too much of it, and wasn't it a bit harfy? The President told Kolot that "War is not a matter which can be taken lightly."

Nicolai Chuckarov
for Kolot Ackanomic

Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 14:27:25 +0200 (EET)


Nigh a fortnight ago the (None Yet) Party, the oldest Party in Ackanomic, approached a crisis when Guy Fawkes left Ackanomic. In a surprising movee, Speaker Malenkai anounced that e was leaving the HARF Party, of which e was a founding member, and joining the (None Yet) Party. This gave incentive to other players to join (None Yet), some of them even suggested to Malenkai that the (None Yet) Party was safe and e could return to HARF. Malenkai responded that e was happy in eir new Party and intended to stay there.
Not long after Malenkai announced that e was leaving the Church of the Markovian Dream and pledged eir faith to the Church of Seleya.


Ludwig, a relative new-comer to Ackanomic, joined the (None Yet) Party in the rush to save the Party (see previous item) from demise. He has been appointed (None Yet) Swinger in snowgod's stead, and while he has not had a chance to make a move, e is rumored to be an experienced variant chess player and is sure to introduce some new exciting tactics into the game.

Nicolai Chuckarov
fro Kolot Ackanomic

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