The Big White Gazette

"Wasting Bandwidth For A While Now"

The following article was acquired by the Gazette in rather an odd fashion. One morning as the staff arrived at the offices, there was a parrot with beautiful plumage(but a horrific screech)perched on the editor's desk. It was quickly discovered that in a small box(which read "Molly")there was a very well-folded message, in a typescript which was quickly recognized as that of President Alfvaen. We reproduce it here(retyped for your convenience).

Have become separated from my companions. Well, to be honest, I never quite caught up with them in the first place, but I should have, by now.

I'm still not sure if we're heading in the right direction. Where are other Nomics located, anyway? In the Wilds, as Balsamic Dragon evidently believes? On the surface of that hemisphere which now forms the top half of the world? Or somewhere else altogether, somewhere more like the place of origin of the writers of the Codex of Kra?

But wait! What is that I espy in the distance? In the dense forests and trackless wastes of the Wilds of Ackanomia, there is a fertile clearing. A number of people(clearly not Ackanomians)are engaged in peaceful harvesting of what look like letters. There are pumpkins visible as well. Is this the Patch?

At my approach(heralded helpfully by Molly Parrot), the harvesters pick up crude weapons--hoes, shovels(has two-star been here?), rakes, plowshares, picks, and a lone derringer. I quickly raise my hands in the universal gesture of peace. "I am Alfvaen, President of Ackanomic--" the weapons are raised in menace--"and leader of the Rebellion." The weapons lower. "I have come to give you the news that the reign of the Evil Overlords of Ackanomic is ended, and democracy reigns once more."

They look at me uncertainly. "Then why are they still in the Ruleset?"

I grimace. "Well, we still haven't figured out what to do about that yet. But they no longer have their dictatorial powers. However, some of them have convinced others that you are still a menace to us. I came here in hopes of sorting that out."

Then we settled down to serious negotiations. Some of the provisions of the treaty have been sent to the Promoter by separate means, and may already have arrived by the time you read this. But it seems to me that the Orange Menace has, as I thought, been overrated.

There you have it, controversial words from the Ackanomian President, and a hope for peace. We here at the Big White Gazette hope that it can be so.

However, the mysterious missives of Balsamic Dragon and Red Barn have yet to be explained. Perhaps there is another force at work here?

Go to Alfvaen's Ackanomic page.

The Den of Ubiquity / Aaron V. Humphrey /