Spoilsport Calvin Dices with Death
By Querl Xoralundra IV, heavy weapons specialist
Ackanomia's Financier, Calvin N Hobbes, was almost reduced to ashes tonight,
writes Querl Xoralundra IV.
Addressing the public forum, he astonished onlookers when he declared, "The
earth is NOT FLAT." The earth undoubtedly IS flat, as was proved beyond
doubt with the adoption of proposal 729 earlier today.
However, Calvin N Hobbes appears likely to escape incineration, as he narrowly
avoided claiming that the earth is round. However, this did not prevent
the bloodthirsty this is not a name from immediately calling for a witchhunt.
Disappointed Ackanomians were putting away their firebrands and petrol tonight,
as the exact wording of proposal 729 was re-examined. Bascule, who discovered
the ancient Acka-law and proposed its re-adoption, said, "Perhaps it
ought to be amended if sacreligious statements like this one can go unpunished.
And now we'll have to wait to find out if Hobbes is made of fire-retardant
material or not."
- Acka-scientists are redrawing their maps of the solar-system tonight,
and outdated charts are being destroyed. One eminent scientist, who did
not wish to be named, said, "I'm puzzled. I was sure it was rrrr...
I mean, this is off the record, isn't it?"
- Campaigning is already underway for the post of CSRR. The Governor,
snowgod and Malenkai have all declared their intention to run for the post,
although the Appointer has yet to officially open nominations. The pre-election
war of nerves is heating up regardless, as snowgod declared a feud between
himself and Malenkai's faction.
- Construction work on Ackanomia's first Gaol was completed on Tuesday.
The architect, Malenkai, was reported to be pleased with the contractors'
achievement. The design was thought ambitious by many, as it has an infinite
number of cells.