Note: Additional Clues and Guesses may be in the Clues and Guesses section of the main page, and several have been dropped in normal e-mails.
Guy Fawkes wrote (Nov 11, 1996):
Malenkai, did I just find some sort of treasure, or did I just dig a hole for no apparent reason.
Malenkai wrote (Nov 11, 1996):
> Malenkai, did I just find some sort of treasure, or did I just dig a hole
> for no apparent reason.
HA! Would that I could be immune to respond without Politeness Moon!
I can only say that the 3 P's of November shall indicate the whereabouts of the three Treasures, and that only 2 of the 3 P's has yet been heard.
You do not need the third to find the first or second but the second and first to find the third. All I can say is look for what is woven within, and look for big fishes and walruses.
Malenkai wrote (Nov 09, 1996):
The following describes the Parade resulting from P 1376, and said description is interesting:
The Parade, it began when it was getting closer to Midwinter's, a dark cold eve, and not before long and some time ago, people marched to and fro; Trombone music I heard. The troupe wandered on, and I lost track of time in my intoxicating euphoria the mushroom of the wilds gave me.
Then, of course, all of Ackanomia was really just trying to march along to Jara's rhythm, to follow behind /dev/joe with an upbeat tempo, along old roads, beside the tattered buildings, those the map has forgotten 'cause of thieves of time unknown before even Acka's origin.
So we followed after the Great Trombone, crawling on our knees, through the Gaol district, some time after sunset, rather late is was, thick in night's blackness and starkness. Then a gnarly Gnome from the underbrush, a Gnome that I seem to remember, happened to jump out upon us. I asked a bug, a Flea hidden in a grassy clearing, from whence did obviously this Gnome come? Untouched by repeals? Survived for voting, for uncounted millenia?
That was when I ran! So rattled was I, scared and overcome by dread, shocked by something unthinkable. From the otherside, some ominous power had come here and conjured some bizzare magic, resurrecting the Gnome of Voting, bringing back that horror to this place.
The Parade did in fact, continue towards the Senate, near town center, just somewhat north of Xanadu. Then back the other direction, just clearing the southern area bracketed by two Towers. By about this time, two monkeys, hidden in oak barrels behind some trees, joined the Parade. Older, were these monkeys, than dirt. I had the feeling that the universe (or its edge), was some sort of an extension of these ancient monkeys' conscienceness. A statue of a monkey, made exquisitely and beautifully of some sort of onyx, came into view. Such monkeys are brass statues usually, but others have just very recently been discovered (and were rumored always to exist).
About three hours later, in the middle of the night, a dusty Codex was found. Codex of the Wisdom of Kra? I opened it, but its language being heretofore undecipherable, it really never should have been seen here.
The Parade, it continued. A monkey said: "Tell me who you are. Why then, are you here? Is the great universe really worthy of your presence?" One should look at who is questioning, and shall understand and really know to adamantly ignore the monkeys! Quest for Tao then, instead.
Look to the otherside, to the place whence the Ancient Ones bringing the treasure came from. Overlords of the Dominion of Jara they were, having locked all scientific knowledge away from our Priests, for all the countless millenia. You must think only pure thoughts, for those thoughts will come with a subtle clue, a fleeting glimpse into prime reality...
Then a number of large frogs of gold with bronze heads joined the Parade. Shall we consider letting even these pathetic creatures have their day? Have a slim and none chance to accompany us to the Statue, to gaze at its beauty? Upon reflection, it seems, those were tough questions.
Riches are easy answers, and those Paraders with even the slightest clue then, shall come upon such riches that they must spend them, or be utterly and completely adorned with such, and with garish, tacky, ostentatious headwear that they'd need constructed a 230m Tower, not of wool or of cheese, or of ones private and very own carefully thought out design, to store them.
One last Parade question: Who thus goes and seeks across Acka for this most excellent valuable treasure? Tell me who shall do so and not then come to be called Gheezy the Greedy? Don't look now, but you don't really have that much time. At the absolute, very least, you shall have one minute. Not a big window, so you'll head east *fast*.
After they follow you, you should really begin to know how and why the road winds the ways it does. Unless, of course, you have buried your useless brain.
Treasure, it's like Parades, in many ways. The fact of it is they both really, truly should lead you to know the whereabouts and the easiest to find location of wealth. Wealth, of course, is really such a burden, its worth giving it away! At the absolute very least, give all but A$50 to the Speaker.
As Parades wind down, they often circle and are very rowdy. As such frink for yourself a coke, and be proud of every last individual Proposal you've written, they make Acka great. Should you come to have any doubt in their very grandeur and greatness, check what is recorded Elsewhere in song, in prose, and in verse.
Malenkai wrote (Feb 03, 1997):
ceremoniously spake in tongues the golden frog:
"vjg ocr vq vjg ocr jcu dggp rwdnkujgf"
unmiraculously treasure of jukkasjarvi shall you find
unless misdirectionally led you have been
Malenkai wrote (May 03, 1997):
ceremoniously spake in tongues the golden frog: Op dmvf gps nz usfbtvsf uijt npoui, fydfqu up sfnfncfs uif puifs dmvft, boe b qbsujdvmbs bsfb pg Fyqfsuftf pg njof. Jo puifs ofxt: Dmptf cvu op djhbs?? unmiraculously treasure not of Jara shall you find unless misdirectionally led you have been
Alfvaen wrote, Malenkai responded: (June 13, 1997):
> The second trinket is called "your useless brain", and has a value of only > A$8. It looks just like your brain, but its convolutions are shallow and > smooth. It is very light, it isn't flat, and it's totally useless. > > I am burying this [...] This seems appropriate ;-) > This leaves me with A$51. I give A$1 to Malenkai. You're generousity astounds me. Clues are A$ 200, though :) > I am now creating, out of the remains, the Twice Life-Sized Replica of the > Tower of Bandwidth, worth A$617. This trinket looks sort of like the Tower > of Bandwidth, only larger. The main differences are that it is made out of > what looks like tongue depressors that used to be glued together in a > different form but were wrenched violently apart, so that there are loose > ends and broken splinters sticking out all over the place. It is also > covered in old back issues of "is", the "Steel Flea Gazette", and the "HTML > Standard"(at least, those are the newspapers visible from ground level), in > an ineffective attempt to replicate the Tower of Bandwidth's outer > appearance. I hereby nominate Alfvaen for candidacy as a fellow Expert in "Bandwidth-Wasting Gizz".
Malenkai wrote: (October 11, 1997):
The answer, based on the first parade description
Stripped Parade (take every 4th word, starting with 'it')
It was Midwinter's eve, long ago, and I wandered lost in the Wilds of Ackanomia trying to follow an old tattered map of unknown origin. After crawling through some rather thick and gnarly underbrush, I happened upon a hidden clearing, obviously untouched for millenia.
I was overcome by the power and magic of that place. In the center of the clearing bracketed by two oak trees older than the universe, was an ancient statue, made of onyx. Such statues have been rumored about in the Codex of Kra but heretofore never seen.
It said: you are the worthy one who shall know the Tao to the Ancient Treasure of Jara locked away for millenia. Only those with a prime number of heads shall even have a chance to gaze upon those riches, and even then, such must be adorned with headwear constructed not of ones own design.
One who seeks this treasure shall not be greedy, but have at least one big head. They should know the ways of buried Treasure, in fact they should know the location of such worth at least A$50.
As they are such a proud individual they should have their greatness recorded in verse.